How my dad is coping up with my sexuality

My dad's my best friend. The last time I was home in Cebu, my dad and I drove together towards the southern part of the province and talked non-stop. We talked about different stuff from movies, politics, or even business. Our relationship as father and son have matured form the time that I was so young to now that I am all grown up and working.

He used to spoil me a lot since I was the only boy out of four children. As far as I remember, I have always been his favorite in the family. My parents used to have these huge fights because my dad always gave me what I wanted.

But it wasn’t all that happy. In 2001, my parents suddenly discovered that I had a sexual relationship with a guy who they thought was just my friend. My dad was so angry that he stopped talking to me for six months. Our family changed so much during those times. My mom was the same, although I could see the disappointment in her eyes. My sisters felt awkward which made me realize what a serious mess I made.

During the six months after that, I exerted a lot of effort in reaching out to my dad and trying to revive the relationship we’ve always had. I remember my dad was driving us to church, I was at the front seat and my mom and my sisters were at the back. There was total silence. My dad refused to talk to me. It came to a point when it was so overwhelmingly difficult that I decided to leave home. I left a letter for my mom under my pillow, took with me clothes that will last for a few weeks, had one last look at our house and decided that I was never coming back.

I lived in a friend’s house and worked part time for him since he had an interior design stint for high-end houses. After five days of being away from home, my mom called me and asked me to come home. I cried so much that day. I met her at a mall and she gave me money to take a cab back home. It was the most embarrassing day of my life. She said my dad wanted me to go home, and all that excruciating pain of embarrassment turned to guilt.

When my dad saw me at home, everything slowly went back to normal. Sure it wasn’t the same, but we slowly worked things out. We talked about everything except for what recently happened. Some people call it denial, both of us know that it was putting things behind us because our relationship meant so much more.

Being a discreet dude, I’m one of those guys who know that at some degree, I am a disappointment to my parents. Especially my father. I have not discussed my sexuality with them, but there are certain chapters in my life when they somehow received big clues that I’m not straight. They refuse to discuss it with me in my face, and I am more than pleased that this is the case since I think it would be awkward if they did.

Growing up in a Christian Filipino family, I learned at a very early age that being gay was going to be a problem. That might have been the reason that I grew up this way. Discreet, straight acting, butch, whatever you wanna call it.

I’m happy since I know that my dad knows that I’m gay but he prefers if I am discreet just like how I am now.

My dad’s my best friend. And with all those issues that we’ve been through, we both know that we love each other so much that we are willing to compromise.


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