Loving A Guy Doesn’t Make Me A Girl

In one of my post a few days ago, I talked about stereotypes and labelling, and how it affects a regular Discreet Dude’s relationship with other people. In this post, DubaiDiscreetDude contributor Marcus Lopez will share his own insight and experience on the habit of stereotyping in our society.


Loving A Guy Doesn’t Make Me A Girl
By Marcus Lopez
Discreet Dude Contributor


“If your partner is a guy then who is the WHO?” referring to the homosexual / gay in the relationship. Well, considering that we are in same sex relationship, then that would make us both, homosexual. This is the usual question I get from friends and acquaintances after realizing that my partner is a guy. But more often, that is not really what they want to hear or ask. They would like to know who is the ‘girl’ in the relationship.

Well, it is normal for people to ask this question since our society dictates that in a romantic relationship, it should be a partnership between a male and a female, and not of the same sex. However, it should not always come to a point that you ‘label’ either of the two, or both, as girls. I mean, no offense to effeminate gays who love to be called as one because they are happy with it and I totally respect that, but for the discreet being
called by the straight individuals as girls, well, it is another story.

Personally, I would not consider myself as a girl because I am definitely not. I act like a guy because I am a guy. I do what guys do and I play what guys play. We just differ in our [sexual] preferences.

They say there are several levels of gayness in the homosexual-rainbow spectrum [as John Lapus defines in his blog]. We probably belong to the green, yellow, violet and blue. But these are ‘labels’ we put on ourselves which will ultimately become the source of discrimination. When people start to label individuals, they begin to segregate and then eventually will start to identify who is better than the other types. And I don’t want that to happen since we are equally the same. But then again, we are definitely not girls, or at least for me.

There was a time that one of my previous call center colleagues in the Philippines were spamming to his fellow team mates about me being in a relationship with a guy. His exact words were ‘Yes gurl! Si Marcus ay ate na ngayon!” The same guy private messaged me confirming the relationship status that he saw in my Facebook profile.

Honestly, it was just recently that I decided to be frank about my sexuality. I have had sexual relationships / adventures with guys in the past but I was never open about it even to my friends. They were even surprised and still can’t believe that I go for guys [as well]. And when I read their comments in their email thread [I happen to have secured a copy. LOL], one of the statements that I really find amusing was ‘si Marcus ay ‘ate’ na ngayon!’. It’s funny because people would immediately stereotype gay individuals as ‘girls’, but categorically we are not. Thus, when the guy referred to me as ‘ate’, I definitely told him that loving a guy doesn’t make me a girl. I am still a guy who is just in love with another man.

How about you, would you mind being called a girl?


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