Backpacking from Dubai

Being based here in the Middle East, there are plenty of places that are easily accessible and you don’t have to pay a lot on airfare. Unlike when I was working in Cebu, vacations would be defined as a day in Bohol, an overnight drive to the south, or a weekend in Boracay. That was as far as I could go.

When I travel from Dubai, budget traveling is my style. I don’t really stay in five star hotels since I expect to spend the shortest time in bed when I’m traveling. So hostels are the way to go. The website http://www.hostelworld.com/ always helps. In all cases, I limit myself to at least 2,500 AED (680 USD) for a five-day vacation including airfare and accommodation.

Here, we list the top five budget places you could go to with Dubai as your starting point. We ranked it as well with how easy you can get the visa from the embassy, provided that you are a UAE Resident.

1. Istanbul, Turkey
Visa is surprisingly easy. European feel- architecture and culture is amazing. Direct flights via Air Arabia and Turkey Airways.

2. Cairo, Egypt
You can get the visa in a few hours. Just having the Pyramids of Giza in front of you is worth the trip.

3. Yerevan, Armenia
Snow, snow, snow! Most of us Filipinos haven’t seen snow. Armenia is beautiful and snowy on winters. Go from January-March. Visa is web based, you pay by card, and then you print (http://www.armeniaforeignministry.com/eVisa/)

4. Amman, Jordan
I’ve never been, but I know a lot of Filipinos who’ve been there already. And man, before you die, Petra Jordan must be at the top of your list. Visa- same day as long as you have all the requirements.

5. Goa, India
I’m not a big fan of India, but a lot of people are. And they say India has got everything, and going there will change you as a person. Whatever that means. Visa is released the next day. Direct flights via Air Arabia.


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This is the song of our lives..

This is the song of every Discreet Dude's of our generation.

Coz at the end of the day, all we have is who we are.

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The lipstick lesbians

I’m sure you all are aware that another classification of the gay society are the lipstick lesbians. They are exactly the counterpart of Discreet Dudes (straight acting gay guys) in the lesbian world. They are lesbians who love putting make-up on, dressing up, shopping, and most of them are attracted to lipstick lesbians as well. Guys would hit on them, and they are hard to detect since it is accepted in the society that there are girls that act boyish but are still straight.

I know that this blog is supposed to focus on discreet gay guys, but I think it would also be interesting to know their struggles, how they come out to their parents, if they were born lipstick lesbians, If it is their choice that they act straight, and how they are unique from the usual butch lesbians that we see in the society.

I have also discovered a forum that hooks up discreet gay guys with lipstick lesbians to hopefully come up with a look of normalicy. I don’t promote this since this sounds like they are trying to deny their real identity, but I admire that they are exerting effort to hopefully have kids and build a family. Gays and lesbians should probably work together to pro-create and continue the existence of humankind. Check out the site here: http://www.glbtq.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=3374

Ideally, gays should accept who they are because there is nothing wrong with it. Sooner or later, we will all have to tell our parents.

And yes, being straight acting is a preference and should be respected. Parents will probably have a stereotype on gays as flamboyant and effeminate, but unless the discreet dudes of the world decide to come out and set a standard group to fight for the category, nothing will change with society’s dense habit of stereotyping.

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Dubai Discreet Dude Anthem

Another love song for the dubai discreet dude waiting for love.

High school

My high school life was a bit turbulent. I especially remember:

1. Being confused if I had a crush on my friend’s sister, or had a crush on him.

2. Unfortunately learned to smoke cigarettes

3. Tried pot

4. Swapped x-rated vhs tapes with classmates

5. Cut class to go drinking at the local beer or billiards store with friends and cut class just for the heck of it

6. Stayed away from the effeminate gay herd (no offence meant to them, it was high school and I felt it was necessary)

7. Hung out with the popular group of guys (even though you don’t exactly play basketball like them)

8. Chose someone pretty and talk about her when friends talk about school crushes

9. Snatched my dad’s porn magazines

10. Kissed a girl, who later realized there was something off and just forgot about everything.

11. Received an award at school

12. Felt really horny looking at my hot male classmate

13. Became the favorite student of at least one teacher

… and all other high school DD stuff. It was unnerving at times, but those things made me what I am now.


This was the time that I discovered that I was actually gay and didn’t like to be effeminate. This was also the time that I realized that I prefer the Asian-looking guys rather than the Caucasian ones just by looking at the preference I had when watching porn.

High school made me what I am today. And yes, there were those times that I had to fail, be embarrassed, became a target, made a target of someone, bullied weak people, had to endure friends’ doubts, went through denial, had to lie, disturbed and became homophobic. These were essential in one of high school’s most obscure ambition- to give us a preview of what life is going to be.

I guess if I created this entry as if it was a checklist, most Discreet Dudes would check majority of it.



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Kill your last cigarette

Recently, I decided to make a positive change in my life. I’ve taken steps to stop smoking.

I’ve been smoking cigarettes for the last 10 years of my life. Usually, I would finish one pack every 4-5 days. When you calculate that to how many packs I smoke a year, that would be an average of 80 packs, or 1,600 sticks in 365 days.

I just mentioned a lot of really unbelievable figures up there, but believe me, I know people who actually smoke three times as much as I did.

Since December 5, 2008, I’ve stopped smoking. Not entirely though, I still puff a few sticks on occasions. More like 5 sticks a week and only when we’re having a beer in a bar. But this for me is a huge leap towards a smoke-free life.

It wasn’t easy, but I’m willing to share the tips that I’ve been following to help the smokers out there stop their dirty habit.

1. Ask yourself why you want to stop smoking. Write your answers on a piece of paper and carry it with you. Use it to remind yourself of why you want to stop, whenever you feel like smoking.

For me, it was all because I didn’t want to look old early in my life. I’ve seen a lot of smokers in our office, and they are a living proof that nicotine increases wrinkles, dries your skin and sags it. I’m glad I still get requested for ID sometimes when I grab a beer at a bar. That means I still look young and it’s not too late.

2. Change your schedule to avoid circumstances in which you usually smoke. Walk around or talk to friends when you would normally be smoking. Carry around "mouth toys" such as candy, gum or straws.

I used to call my smoking buddy every 10am, after lunch and 4pm to go out in the sun and puff our cancer sticks. I’ve decided to chew gum on those times instead, and surf the internet instead of sweating it out just to smell like cigarette when you walk back in the office.

3. List the good things that have happened since you stopped, and keep the list with you wherever you go as an inspiration.

This was a long list for me. I run the treadmill, and the increase in my endurance was unbelievable. I also noticed a big difference in my skin, it was more supple and moist. The effects of quitting showed as soon as one week from the time I stopped.

1. Reward yourself for quitting; you could take the money you might have spent on cigarettes and buy yourself something nice.

For me, this step wasn’t necessary. Quitting alone was rewarding for me.

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Loving A Guy Doesn’t Make Me A Girl

In one of my post a few days ago, I talked about stereotypes and labelling, and how it affects a regular Discreet Dude’s relationship with other people. In this post, DubaiDiscreetDude contributor Marcus Lopez will share his own insight and experience on the habit of stereotyping in our society.


Loving A Guy Doesn’t Make Me A Girl
By Marcus Lopez
Discreet Dude Contributor


“If your partner is a guy then who is the WHO?” referring to the homosexual / gay in the relationship. Well, considering that we are in same sex relationship, then that would make us both, homosexual. This is the usual question I get from friends and acquaintances after realizing that my partner is a guy. But more often, that is not really what they want to hear or ask. They would like to know who is the ‘girl’ in the relationship.

Well, it is normal for people to ask this question since our society dictates that in a romantic relationship, it should be a partnership between a male and a female, and not of the same sex. However, it should not always come to a point that you ‘label’ either of the two, or both, as girls. I mean, no offense to effeminate gays who love to be called as one because they are happy with it and I totally respect that, but for the discreet being
called by the straight individuals as girls, well, it is another story.

Personally, I would not consider myself as a girl because I am definitely not. I act like a guy because I am a guy. I do what guys do and I play what guys play. We just differ in our [sexual] preferences.

They say there are several levels of gayness in the homosexual-rainbow spectrum [as John Lapus defines in his blog]. We probably belong to the green, yellow, violet and blue. But these are ‘labels’ we put on ourselves which will ultimately become the source of discrimination. When people start to label individuals, they begin to segregate and then eventually will start to identify who is better than the other types. And I don’t want that to happen since we are equally the same. But then again, we are definitely not girls, or at least for me.

There was a time that one of my previous call center colleagues in the Philippines were spamming to his fellow team mates about me being in a relationship with a guy. His exact words were ‘Yes gurl! Si Marcus ay ate na ngayon!” The same guy private messaged me confirming the relationship status that he saw in my Facebook profile.

Honestly, it was just recently that I decided to be frank about my sexuality. I have had sexual relationships / adventures with guys in the past but I was never open about it even to my friends. They were even surprised and still can’t believe that I go for guys [as well]. And when I read their comments in their email thread [I happen to have secured a copy. LOL], one of the statements that I really find amusing was ‘si Marcus ay ‘ate’ na ngayon!’. It’s funny because people would immediately stereotype gay individuals as ‘girls’, but categorically we are not. Thus, when the guy referred to me as ‘ate’, I definitely told him that loving a guy doesn’t make me a girl. I am still a guy who is just in love with another man.

How about you, would you mind being called a girl?


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How my dad is coping up with my sexuality

My dad's my best friend. The last time I was home in Cebu, my dad and I drove together towards the southern part of the province and talked non-stop. We talked about different stuff from movies, politics, or even business. Our relationship as father and son have matured form the time that I was so young to now that I am all grown up and working.

He used to spoil me a lot since I was the only boy out of four children. As far as I remember, I have always been his favorite in the family. My parents used to have these huge fights because my dad always gave me what I wanted.

But it wasn’t all that happy. In 2001, my parents suddenly discovered that I had a sexual relationship with a guy who they thought was just my friend. My dad was so angry that he stopped talking to me for six months. Our family changed so much during those times. My mom was the same, although I could see the disappointment in her eyes. My sisters felt awkward which made me realize what a serious mess I made.

During the six months after that, I exerted a lot of effort in reaching out to my dad and trying to revive the relationship we’ve always had. I remember my dad was driving us to church, I was at the front seat and my mom and my sisters were at the back. There was total silence. My dad refused to talk to me. It came to a point when it was so overwhelmingly difficult that I decided to leave home. I left a letter for my mom under my pillow, took with me clothes that will last for a few weeks, had one last look at our house and decided that I was never coming back.

I lived in a friend’s house and worked part time for him since he had an interior design stint for high-end houses. After five days of being away from home, my mom called me and asked me to come home. I cried so much that day. I met her at a mall and she gave me money to take a cab back home. It was the most embarrassing day of my life. She said my dad wanted me to go home, and all that excruciating pain of embarrassment turned to guilt.

When my dad saw me at home, everything slowly went back to normal. Sure it wasn’t the same, but we slowly worked things out. We talked about everything except for what recently happened. Some people call it denial, both of us know that it was putting things behind us because our relationship meant so much more.

Being a discreet dude, I’m one of those guys who know that at some degree, I am a disappointment to my parents. Especially my father. I have not discussed my sexuality with them, but there are certain chapters in my life when they somehow received big clues that I’m not straight. They refuse to discuss it with me in my face, and I am more than pleased that this is the case since I think it would be awkward if they did.

Growing up in a Christian Filipino family, I learned at a very early age that being gay was going to be a problem. That might have been the reason that I grew up this way. Discreet, straight acting, butch, whatever you wanna call it.

I’m happy since I know that my dad knows that I’m gay but he prefers if I am discreet just like how I am now.

My dad’s my best friend. And with all those issues that we’ve been through, we both know that we love each other so much that we are willing to compromise.


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I hate being gay..

This is funny.. how can you hate gays when you are actually gay?

This guy says that:

1. gay guys are weak

2. gays who are over 30 y.o. are creepy

3. he's gay but he's not a big fan of the male anatomy. and not a fan the female anatomy as well (wtf does that mean?)

4. he had a boyfriend, but was only forced to have sex since it is part of the gay relationship

5. plans to be straight by the time he's 30.

Being gay is natural, just like how straight people are straight! So this is a bit retarded, but then again, we need to respect his style. As long as he's being honest.

It's probably a really difficult life when you hate yourself.

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GI Joe

Last night, we watched GI Joe at Mercato.

We didn't watch the movie just because Channing Tatum was

in it..

But if you think he's worth it, click here to get a good view of Channing.. might not be safe for work.

The movie was awesome. The plot, concept, cast and the special effects (except for the obviously-animated looking polar bear and digitally inserted background in the desert base scene) were excellent.


By the way, am I the only one who thinks that The Doctor was sort of a hybrid of Snape and Darth Vader? There were moments I would have swore he was in the verge of pulling out a wand.. or a light saber.


The young version of Snake Eyes was awesome though.

For a kid, I thought he kicked ass really well in the big screen. The other Japanese kid
was good too, but not that noticeable.


Sienna Miller was a bit ordinary. I thought that role could have been portrayed by a better and sexier actress. But she still nailed it.


And Channing? I bet he's returning in the sequel. How else will the producers pull it off if it they wouldn't have him?


I'll give the movie a 4 stars out of 5.


Go watch GI Joe! It's worth it.


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Discreet Dude Anthem

Have a crush on a guy who's straight? or who might be straight? this song is for you.

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You are the music you listen to..

Music is a big part of my life. I listen to music in every opportunity that I get. Travelling to and from work, at the gym, while at the office, or even while doing the laundry! For me, the world would be empty without music. This is the mantra of the human emotions. Your kind of music reflects who your friends are, what are the things that you like, what you do, where you are from and probably everything about you.

Here are ten of the most listened to track in my iPhone.

1. You Found Me by The Fray

I first heard this song from an episode of a TV series that I watched. Been playing in my mind, so I downloaded it. It’s now currently my most listened-to song. I can’t get enough of it.


2. Saying Goodbye by Matt White

I think Matt White has got the best acoustic voice in the US.


3. For You I Will by Teddy Geiger

I never really liked his entire album, but this song was a jackpot!


4. The Real Life by 3 Doors Down

Best song from their album Seventeen Days. You have got to have at least one track of 3 Doors Down in your Ipod/Iphone if you’re a Discreet Dude.


5. Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

The music video convinced me to like the music. This is A-GRADE slow alternative.


6. Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

Who wouldn’t like this song? I mean, listen to the lyrics.


7. Sorrow by Flyleaf

Sometimes, when you need to release tension, punk rock is the way to go. Cool track, brings you up to a different mood.

8. Make Damn Sure by Taking Back Sunday

One of the most underrated alternative band from the US. Make Damn Sure brings me to the corners of San Francisco’s tattoo boulevard.


9. Wish We Were Older by Metro Station

Not everyone will love Metro Station, but I happen to be one of the few people who appreciate their music. This track is full of life! And no, it’s not pop so it can’t go wrong.


10. Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Oren is the person to listen to if you want to have a relaxing drive in the countryside. Great song, great guy.

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Discreet Dudes and Basketball

I’ve never really been into sports. The thought of holding a ball and shooting it on a ring just didn’t appeal to me. And I don’t prefer volleyball either. Or any sports for that matter.

So how did I go through gym class? Simple. I learned the basics, and went with the flow.

When I was in high school, gym classes for the juniors and the seniors were all about playing basketball. Normally, the instructor would gather all of us, discuss about the sports for a few minutes, throws two sets of balls in the court and leaves. The first lesson was dribbling which most of us back then already knew how to do (thanks to my dad). Then shooting the ball. It was all so simple. Try not to run without dribbling, make sure you pass it to the right person, and try your very best to shoot the ball in the ring.

I remember seeing four of my gay effeminate classmates would always hang out together in one corner projecting the image of being tired so they didn’t have to join. I, on the other hand, would hang out with a bunch of people who aren’t gay (the way they look at least), and we would chill in one corner talking about last night’s episode of X-Men. There really isn’t room for all the students to play anyway, right? So there will always be a few who needs to sit and just talk.

Midterms were three free throws.. all the time. So it was a breeze for me. I usually make at least two of the shots, so I’ve always had good grades.

I believe that most discreet dudes are not made for sports. We are not nerds, but we aren’t the cool guys either. Most of us would excel in public speaking, essay writing, usually part of the campus paper, members of the media club and one of the class officers. Nobody depended on our physical capabilities, but we were not disregarded or ignored either. Our cliques were more like- the popular in-betweens.

In some of my closest circle of discreet friends, I would always ask everyone how they went through gym class. Some of them would say that they sucked, some would say that they play really well. While sometimes, I can really say that most of those who claim that they played the sports well are actually lying, I just think about my own experience and say, “Even I wasn’t bad at all.”

So, how did you go through your high school gym class?

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Men wearing makeup?

Men wearing makeup?

Not the usual topic you get to discuss with your friends both male and female. But what do you think about it?

About six months ago when I was in Kuala Lumpur, I bought Clinique Men’s cover stick correcteur/concealer. The problem is, I think I bought the wrong color since it was lighter than my skin tone. But it wasn’t a huge issue, I only had to make sure that I don’t over-apply. I still have it in my closet up to this day, and I’ve used it only a few times to cover my dark circles.

I don’t use it everyday, but hey, it really works and this thing is really undetectable.

Last April when I flew back from a one-month vacation in the Philippines, I noticed a huge difference in my face. My skin was rough, pores were more visible and I had dark circles. My eye bags were also very puffy, probably because I partied almost every night and didn’t have enough sleep.

Since I was going back to work the next day, I had to find a way to at least look like the way I was when I left. Before coming in the office, I went to the office restroom, tapped the tip of the Clinique concealer stick and slowly wiped it under my eye. The color immediately blended with the lighter shade of my skin. The dark circles? They were miraculously gone. It took about three minutes of trying to dab the make up carefully, making sure that they were undetectable. My eyes looked really smaller since I’ve always pictured the dark circles around it as part of the entire eye itself. I looked at the mirror for the last time and made sure that the color under my eyes was now similar to the rest of the skin in the face. When I was satisfied, I walked inside the office where everyone made the usual gesture of tapping you in the back and saying “Welcome back, did you have a nice time?” or “Where did you go? Was it nice there?”.

Then a couple of comments really made the entire concealer thing worth it. One of them said, “you look really rested. That’s good.”, and another one said “you look so good and refreshed! You probably got pampered! I need a vacation just like what you had.”

None of them looked at my eyes in a weird/suspecious way, so this for me was a relief. And although my boss was not interested in how I looked and talked to me about work right away, during our discussion, I couldn’t help but get into a realization that the concealer actually made an instant visible change in my appearance.

I don’t use it now though, since dark spots surrounding my eyes have all disappeared, and unwanted spots have been leaving me alone. But it is really good to know that in case of emergency, or when I need to look refreshed and well rested, I could easily grab my clinique concealer and hide away those unwanted imperfections.



For now, I just make sure that I don't forget to moisturize (Nivea soft- non greasy) every morning and every night before I sleep. This is a routine that men and women should do. Aside from keeping your skin healthy, it keeps away possible wrinkles in the future.

So should men wear makeup? The answer is yes, but not everyday.

What other makeup is okay for men?

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Smashing Closets, Opening Doors

How hard is it coming out of the closet?



Smashing Closets, Opening Doors
By Jonas Bagas



I WAS a little brash when I came out. It happened in 1998, on my last year in UP Diliman, when I was madly in love with another gay man. It was unrequited, but love made it easier to smash the closet: I simply dropped the news to my college friends, then attended my first Pride March, and even managed to blurt out “Oh by the way, I am gay” during my talk for freshman orientation.

Coming out, I was euphoric and had complete disregard for what others would think. That year, I brought my first lover to a family reunion. We were discreet, and thought that nobody noticed. Nobody did, actually, except for one lola who, months later, showed the reunion pictures to my parents and said, “Yan ang boyfriend ng anak n’yo! (That’s your son’s boyfriend!)”
One morning, while I was preparing to leave for school, my father approached me. He was probably feeling tense because he asked me if I wanted some beer. I declined, of course, but that was my clue that he would raise the issue. My heart was in my throat, doing cartwheels. He finally asked if it was true that I had a boyfriend. I said yes. He asked why. I said because I felt like having one. To my surprise, he nonchalantly advised that I should be careful.

And that was it. I was still nervous after the brief exchange ended, but elated.

It was nothing like that with my mom – with her it was a confrontation. I was again on my way to UP, incidentally to attend a meeting of lesbian and gay activists. What instigated the confrontation escapes me now, but big, angry words were hurled, words that injure and injure for life. Smash the closet, but never assume that you won’t be scarred. The air was thick with misunderstanding, and when it settled down, the message was clear: I am unacceptable, and must immediately leave.

It was only when I had walked out of the house that I really broke down. My brother, who had witnessed the incident, embraced me and said he understands. I was sobbing really hard in the bus from Fairview to Philcoa – the longest ride I have ever taken.

I went straight to a friend’s apartment, which became my foster home for several months. Jobless and penniless, I survived with the help of friends. There were days when I’d wake up with money mysteriously appearing in my pocket.


I didn’t talk to my mother and didn’t see my parents for a year and a half after. I dared to attend another family reunion – alone this time – though I meant only to drop by. I was already out publicly, and while I thought TV appearances on gay issues made coming out to my relatives unnecessary, it was still unnerving to see them again.


And then I saw my mother, who seemed to have aged since I last saw her. She greeted me, and everything just melted away. We didn’t talk about the incident—we never did, but it doesn’t matter.


That day I discovered that every time I come out, I also force others, gay or not, including my own family, to come out of the closet of comfort, of hatred, of stereotypes, that have blinded all of us, and to finally confront their own demons.


Blessed are those whose loved ones find it easy to accept something we’ve all been taught to hate or deny. To those who are not as lucky, this shall be our collective struggle and our collective coming out. May we be guided by love, which for me always triumphs in the end? •


Jonas Bagas is with Project Equality, a network of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender groups and activists. You may contact him at jonasbagas@gmail.com.

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