Break-ups

A breakup is definitely not one of the easiest things in the world. You have to go through loneliness, quickly skip love songs playing on your Ipod, watch TV by yourself, go shopping by yourself, cook by yourself, smoke alone and eat alone.

Eating alone is a struggle for me. Eating with my ex was one of the most pleasurable things on earth. We did not run out of things to talk about and we both shared the fondness to Thai and spicy food.

But after a few days from my breakup, I met Michael. No, we are not a couple yet. He is more like a companion for the sad days that I’m trying to go through. He works for an airline company, and has plenty of time in his hands. He is very generous too, made sure that I got a teddy bear and a rose during valentines (didn’t like being treated like a girl but I managed to quickly sneak the bear and the rose inside my room without anyone noticing) and took me out to a very romantic dinner last February 15.

Now the dinner was the most embarrassing part. I didn’t know that he pre-arranged a table in a restaurant the night before valentines. He told the restaurant manager that he didn’t want us to go through the buffet table and wants the food taken to us on a serving plate. He also requested that we be seated away from the rest of the customers, flowers, a candle and a heart shaped cake for dessert. It was everything a girl could ask for. If only I was a girl. And if only it wasn’t embarrassing since the waiter kept staring at us in a funny way. We just kept talking, and I constantly berated how shock I am and uncomfortable every time the waiter comes back. I would blurt out “What the fuck!? this feels like a date?!” Michael would just smile like he didn’t care what other people thought of it.

He is very flattering. He literally begged that I start saying I love you back to him and says that I am everything that he could ask for. But seriously, I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP FOR THE NEXT TWO DECADES OF MY LIFE.

But of course that is only an exaggeration. According to a movie I watched recently, there should be a three-month interval before you engage in another relationship after a breakup. I plan to follow that. Maybe it has got its psychological reasons why this timeframe was invented.

So I think Michael will play a big part in my recovery back to singlehood. I’m also seeing another guy right now, but he is in another relationship and just wants hang out and kiss. Hell, I’m okay with that. But he’s recently been giving me the “I miss you”s and “I wish I was with you instead”’s during our phone conversations. I’m kind’ a thrilled since he is really the type of guy you want to bring home to your parents, but at the same time, I don’t want him to think that I’ll go through in a relationship with him if and when he gets rid of his boyfriend.

Oh fuck it. I’m just enjoying my life right now.

So much has been happening, and things have been going well I don’t want to ruin it.

A breakup is definitely not one of the easiest things in the world. But then again, I met all these wonderful people and I feel like I’ve succeeded in my plan of trying out the different chocolates in the box, before I finally close it.

Grandma

My grandmother from the US called me today with and the first thing she asked me was a very uncomfortable question:

“Do you have a girlfriend now?”

And because I just broke up with my decade-old relationship, I immediately answered her with the truth.

“I just broke up with someone.”

“Great!” she sounded ecstatic. “I know someone here in the states. She is Filipino and she is not married, and looking for a husband. How old are you now again?”

“I’m 27.”

“She is older than you.” She snapped. Then there was an awkward silence. I think the long pause was due to the possibility that this woman was actually a lot older than me. Like 10 years older or something like that. “But this is your chance!” she continued.

“Chance for?” I was confused. Is she doing what I think she’s doing?

“To get here in the States! I’ll give you my PO Box, then you send me a snail mail with your picture and your mailing address. And if you guys like each other, I can bring her back to Cebu and you can come home to meet her personally.”

“Okay.” Was the first thing that popped in my mind. I was not about to come out to my grandmother who is 80 years old and desperately trying to fix our lives which she thinks will remain broken unless we get rid of our Filipino citizenship.

“I’ve spoken to your mom and dad. They are okay with it. So go get a pen and get my address.”

And so I wrote her address and promised her to send a mail with my picture. Seriously, people still use snail mails for personal messages? It was inconvenient. Worst, it was something that I didn’t want to go through.

I am confident in my sexuality that I will never be sexually attracted to women. I’m a straight gay, and if I have to have sex with women, I will. But only if it is a matter of life and death. Or getting rid of my citizenship.

So what’s my plan? For practical reasons, and since I’m tired of Dubai, I’m going to try and woo that girl to like me. And when she does, I’m going to marry her, buy Viagra and sleep with her every night for 3 months. Then make a baby. Then break her heart by telling her that I’m gay. If she accepts me, then we go on living together and pretend that we are happy. If not, then I expect her to file a divorce.

The perks of being single eh?

I am so enjoying the availability of freedom to do what you want to do. If I was stuck in a relationship now, it would have been impossible to do this. Especially the one that I just broke up with. We lived like a married couple!

Going back to my story, I’m trying to find a full body picture to send to my grandmother and hopefully that lady will like how I look. And hopefully too, she wouldn’t look like an ogre.

Then maybe it will be smooth sailing for me to play straight.

And these are the things that randomly happen to my life as a Dubai Discreet Dude.

I’m so psyched that I’m writing from my brain right now. A 60-wpm on the keyboard is so useful when you have so much to say.