Wednesday, January 27, 2010

When relationships turn sour

How many times do you actually go through your 20's and experience being dumped, dumping someone, flirting with someone in a bar, going out with random hot dates, being kissed in the park, feeling butterflies in your stomach, losing sleep, etc?

The answer? Ten years.

When I was 17, I met this wonderful person. We went out on a few dates, slept in the same bed the same month we started dating and we couldn't get enough of each other. It was one of the most exciting years of my life. He was everything to me, and I was, I think, everything for him.

I couldn't enjoy things without him. Our relationship went on for ten years. This year is the tenth. Then we broke up.

Our relationship has turned sour for the past 5 years. I don't want to say that gay relationships are meant to only last that long, but for some weird reason, the spice of our relationship has turned from hot to mild, then to sour. It seems as if we were both seeds trying to grow, but we couldn't because we were stuck under a very stubborn and thick ground. I stopped growing. My personality was dependent on his presence. The relationship started to be very unhealthy.

Our weeknights would comprise of having dinner together then watching our favorite TV shows. There was no longer passion, but we did hug it out in the evening. But it wasn't the same as before. You know you love the person, but you don't feel the same way as you did.

There are moments when I would look at myself in the mirror and notice how fast I'm growing old. How often do you get the chance to enjoy your youth? Am I actually enjoying it now?

At 27, I have lived my life under the advantages and disadvantages of being in a commited and exlusive relationship.

I want to meet people, go somewhere where I dont need to feel unfair because the other one is left behind, feel excited over meeting someone in the mall or waking up happy because it is the weekend and I'm meeting someone I miss.

This might be the biggest decision I've been holding off for the last half-decade of my life.

I'm through being unhappy. I think today, the universe is conspiring to finally set me free.

1 comment:

  1. man! 10 years!?!?!? that's more than brangelina's. im pretty sure you can still save it. i hope.

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